A call from your teacher, not uncommon, we keep in close contact throughout the week, but this call was one that I dread!
"Hi Mrs. Smith, Malia is having a hard day, she is unwilling to work. When we put a paper in front of her she will rip it. She then pulled off her shoes and socks and threw them, we tried to calm her with taking her away from the situation, we put on her weighted vest, took her to a quiet room and read her a book, we are trying our best to help her calm. But as soon as we bring her back into the class room she will start up again. We thought she just needed more attention so we split off into groups, which she is in her own group but she then started ripping things off the walls and tore some pages our of my notebook. We had to put her in a restraint chair which buckles her in, and put her in a time out. We have lunch in 45 minutes so we will take her to lunch, get her afternoon medicine and then see how she does."
I felt a flood of emotions, sorry for your behavior and having your teachers to deal with you acting that way. Worried for you and wondering why you are acting this way. Frustrated, feeling helpless on how to help you work through this difficult time you are having."
"I'm so sorry, if you would like me to come get her I don't mind, I can be there in 5 minutes."
"I'll let you know after lunch. We just wanted to keep you aware of what is happening. We will talk soon."
With that I hung up the phone and turned to Dad who was home until lunch time.
"Malia's on one of her fits at school." I report to him.
"What should we do for her?" He asked with concern.
"I don't know, they will let us know after lunch if we should pick her up."
Well you seemed to settle a little after lunch so you stayed at school!
That night I thought it would be good for you to just have some time with me, so we went upstairs and I put you in the tub and just tried to talk with you, you told me you were bad at school. My arms draped over the garden tub and you took soap and washed my arms and hands. It was so nice and relaxing and then when it was time for bed you let me rub your back and feet while I sang to you. It was so great, I was hoping this would help you to relax and get a good night's sleep!
The Next Day
It was 9:20 a.m. you had been in school for one hour, and I was teaching zumba. When my phone rang.
"Mrs. Smith, this is the nurse at Malia's school, Malia had a child in her class throw up. I took her temperature and it's 99 degrees. It's not high, but she may be getting sick,"
Deep down I knew you weren't sick, but that you were having another hard day and they were already done.
"Okay I will come and get her, would you like me to pick her up in your office or from her classroom?"
"I'll keep her here until you come."
"Okay, I'll see you soon."
I left my zumba early and headed to school when I received a text from your classroom.
"Sorry we had someone in our room throw up, so we checked every one's temps, hers was a little high, but I think she was just warm, we will keep her if that's okay with you, sorry for the phone call earlier."
That was a relief to me! Glad you were feeling okay and that you were doing better in class this day.
But it didn't last, you were determined that I was coming to get you, so you made sure everyone knew you were upset. You took off your shirt again, so they had to put your jacket on you backwards and zip it up the back, then you tore posters off the walls and work papers, you pounded on your desk and screamed uncontrollably, so they had to put you in the restraint chair again! AHHH it was more than a mom can handle and I'm sure your teachers cold handle.
So the next morning, which is today you were already starting in the the screaming, fighting with Enoch and throwing things, so I called the school and told them you were sick and needed a day off. So you have been home with me, and for the most part been good.
The worst part is, you can't open up and tell me why you are upset, you can't tell me what is going in inside that pretty red head of yours. As your mother I love you unconditionally and have a constant desire to understand you better and help you work through trials, but here I am again, only able to treat the symptoms, because I don't know the diagnosis!
I LOVE you girly, I pray for you everyday and just hope that all that I am doing will be enough when it is all said and done!
With all a Mother's Love
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Bath Time!
Oh Malia some days I don't know how I will make it. Yesterday I chugged along with The Little Engine That Could with the words "I think I can I think I can." I kept reminding myself that all I had to do was make it through the next 5 minutes.
Five minutes at a time!! Most mornings are like that!
This morning was especially that way. In the night you had gotten into the kitchen and eaten something that was crumbled throughout your hair. I had just bathed you that night so I tried to give you a quick wash down, but it's never quick or easy. You enjoy splashing me, you also are on a new kick of crying like a baby. You seem to do it continually and louder and more aggressive when you are agitated. It is very hard on our ears and if we ask you to stop you do it louder and longer. So I tried to talk calmly to try and distract you, while I get soaked. You love to take water in your hands and throw it at me. I turn you around to get your hair better and dodge the water being thrown at me, but this results in you twisting sideways to get your aim. All the while you crying louder like a baby! I try to keep you straight, but you are strong and I always worry about hurting your tiny little body so I do the best I can to keep myself dry and wash your hair at the same time. Bath's in the morning are avoided at all costs, but sometimes inevitable! Today was one of those days!
Five minutes at a time!! Most mornings are like that!
This morning was especially that way. In the night you had gotten into the kitchen and eaten something that was crumbled throughout your hair. I had just bathed you that night so I tried to give you a quick wash down, but it's never quick or easy. You enjoy splashing me, you also are on a new kick of crying like a baby. You seem to do it continually and louder and more aggressive when you are agitated. It is very hard on our ears and if we ask you to stop you do it louder and longer. So I tried to talk calmly to try and distract you, while I get soaked. You love to take water in your hands and throw it at me. I turn you around to get your hair better and dodge the water being thrown at me, but this results in you twisting sideways to get your aim. All the while you crying louder like a baby! I try to keep you straight, but you are strong and I always worry about hurting your tiny little body so I do the best I can to keep myself dry and wash your hair at the same time. Bath's in the morning are avoided at all costs, but sometimes inevitable! Today was one of those days!
Mornings with Malia
Malia,
I could fill a book with the events of each morning with YOU! Everyone and everything gets put on hold until you are on the bus and headed to school. Except Breckell's hair because she has to go to violin each morning! Your sisters pack their own lunches, and gets completly ready for school on their own while I wrangle with you each morning.
A few days ago was an especially exciting morning. You run in our room at 6am saying the notirious words "mom, I'm hungry!" your declration to me that it's time to get out of bed, and if I don't you will help yourself to the pantry food; which is the only door we haven't put an upper lock on YET, but trust me it's on the list of things to do! So I get out of bed and take you to the bathroom where you will argue that you don't need to go potty, but I plead with you to "just try", sometimes I win, sometimes you win!
Either way we end up in the kitchen at 6:10 am while you talk nonstop, (nothing that I can understand, just lots of rambling) this will also entail wines of complaints if I don't get you what you want to eat, or if I'm insistant that we aren't turning on the TV this early in the morning. It always surprises me how everyone else can sleep through your complaints and tantrums, but I guess they have come accustome to it!
After all the fits are done and you have your food and ipad turned on you will calm down in between bites while you shovel in food as fast as you can. Sitting still if so hard for you especially in the morning! You need lots of sensory like the TV (we do your ipad) you need to chew on something (food) you need to be moving so we will have out your exercise ball or vibrating pillow. These will usually calm you down for a little bit. At this point I will get your drink ready that you have to take, get your medicines ready for the day. When you are finished eating you will come upstairs with me while I get Breckell up and do her hair, this is the scary time when anything is possible!
Brecekll and I were in the bathroom doing her hair when you came in and jumped into our garden tub. You love to get in there with your clothes on and turn on the faucet and drench yourself. You were so fast I didn't get you out before you got drenched down the front of your shirt and pants. So I took off your wet clothes and told you that I would be able to help you get dressed in a minute, I thought you had left, but you must have snuck back in because next thing I know you are in the tub again screaming "I bleeding" I turn quickly to see your finger bleeding heavily. I ran some water and tried to clean the cut so I could tell more closely what had cut you. The blood was coming so fast I couldn't tell what had happened "what cut you Malia" I asked, you pointed to the shaving razor laying on the side of the tub. I wrapped your finger in a towel to put pressure on it so we could at least put a bandaid on it. We went downstairs to get one on, but it bled right through the first bandaid. I didn't know a razor would make such a cut. Four bandaids later we got enough pressure on it to stop the bleeding. You were crying and upset by what had happened. I brought you back upstairs with me and tried to finish Breckell's hair whom was now late for violin. Then Timbrlee walks in and yells Malia don't touch the razors, I turn around again to see you without any control touching the sharp part of the razor yet again. I still haven't figured out why you do this, but it's an obsession when something happens you have to go back to the scene replay it! So SCARRY for a mother! We quickly put up the razors and finished Breckells hair! Oh what a patient sisters you have!
I want's going to leave you alone for a minute so I wrap you in a robe and take you with me to drop off Breckell.
We come back into the house and you see a cup of water on the counter that you push off the counter which splashes orange juice all over the counter and floor, because you upset over what I don't know. So I have to put you in your room for a time out, after 3 minutes I come in not shocked one bit to see you have shredded 2 books, taken a pen and wrote on the walls and bit your toys which some are now ruined. I walk calmly into your room and tell you it's not nice to push cups off the counter. "okay" you say. So I take a deep breath and tell myself it's going to be okay. "Let's get you dressed" I say walking to your dresser. You jump on your bed
screaming at the top of your lungs some jumbled words I don't understand. After picking out your outfit for the day I wonder how I'm going to get you to hold still long enough to put them on you. "Okay Malia, we need to get you dressed now, so could you get off the bed and let me help you?"
"No" more singing off pitch and loudly
"Malia, your bus will be here soon and you aren't dressed."
No response
"Okay Malia if you will let me help you get dressed I will turn on the TV for you before the bus comes." This is your trigger.
You jump down and tornado through putting your clothes on, which is never graceful or pretty, but somehow you have clothes on and that's enough for me!
I give in and turn on the TV and you become mesmerized until your bus comes.
"Whew I did it" I tell Yolanda your bus driver as Malia takes her seat.
"Oh girl you go take a nap, you deserved it!" Yolanda tells me.
"Yes I think I will." I close the door and walk into the kitchen which is blown apart, but hey I made it through another morning! Man I can do anything, guess that nap will have to wait!
I could fill a book with the events of each morning with YOU! Everyone and everything gets put on hold until you are on the bus and headed to school. Except Breckell's hair because she has to go to violin each morning! Your sisters pack their own lunches, and gets completly ready for school on their own while I wrangle with you each morning.
A few days ago was an especially exciting morning. You run in our room at 6am saying the notirious words "mom, I'm hungry!" your declration to me that it's time to get out of bed, and if I don't you will help yourself to the pantry food; which is the only door we haven't put an upper lock on YET, but trust me it's on the list of things to do! So I get out of bed and take you to the bathroom where you will argue that you don't need to go potty, but I plead with you to "just try", sometimes I win, sometimes you win!
Either way we end up in the kitchen at 6:10 am while you talk nonstop, (nothing that I can understand, just lots of rambling) this will also entail wines of complaints if I don't get you what you want to eat, or if I'm insistant that we aren't turning on the TV this early in the morning. It always surprises me how everyone else can sleep through your complaints and tantrums, but I guess they have come accustome to it!
After all the fits are done and you have your food and ipad turned on you will calm down in between bites while you shovel in food as fast as you can. Sitting still if so hard for you especially in the morning! You need lots of sensory like the TV (we do your ipad) you need to chew on something (food) you need to be moving so we will have out your exercise ball or vibrating pillow. These will usually calm you down for a little bit. At this point I will get your drink ready that you have to take, get your medicines ready for the day. When you are finished eating you will come upstairs with me while I get Breckell up and do her hair, this is the scary time when anything is possible!
Brecekll and I were in the bathroom doing her hair when you came in and jumped into our garden tub. You love to get in there with your clothes on and turn on the faucet and drench yourself. You were so fast I didn't get you out before you got drenched down the front of your shirt and pants. So I took off your wet clothes and told you that I would be able to help you get dressed in a minute, I thought you had left, but you must have snuck back in because next thing I know you are in the tub again screaming "I bleeding" I turn quickly to see your finger bleeding heavily. I ran some water and tried to clean the cut so I could tell more closely what had cut you. The blood was coming so fast I couldn't tell what had happened "what cut you Malia" I asked, you pointed to the shaving razor laying on the side of the tub. I wrapped your finger in a towel to put pressure on it so we could at least put a bandaid on it. We went downstairs to get one on, but it bled right through the first bandaid. I didn't know a razor would make such a cut. Four bandaids later we got enough pressure on it to stop the bleeding. You were crying and upset by what had happened. I brought you back upstairs with me and tried to finish Breckell's hair whom was now late for violin. Then Timbrlee walks in and yells Malia don't touch the razors, I turn around again to see you without any control touching the sharp part of the razor yet again. I still haven't figured out why you do this, but it's an obsession when something happens you have to go back to the scene replay it! So SCARRY for a mother! We quickly put up the razors and finished Breckells hair! Oh what a patient sisters you have!
I want's going to leave you alone for a minute so I wrap you in a robe and take you with me to drop off Breckell.
We come back into the house and you see a cup of water on the counter that you push off the counter which splashes orange juice all over the counter and floor, because you upset over what I don't know. So I have to put you in your room for a time out, after 3 minutes I come in not shocked one bit to see you have shredded 2 books, taken a pen and wrote on the walls and bit your toys which some are now ruined. I walk calmly into your room and tell you it's not nice to push cups off the counter. "okay" you say. So I take a deep breath and tell myself it's going to be okay. "Let's get you dressed" I say walking to your dresser. You jump on your bed
screaming at the top of your lungs some jumbled words I don't understand. After picking out your outfit for the day I wonder how I'm going to get you to hold still long enough to put them on you. "Okay Malia, we need to get you dressed now, so could you get off the bed and let me help you?"
"No" more singing off pitch and loudly
"Malia, your bus will be here soon and you aren't dressed."
No response
"Okay Malia if you will let me help you get dressed I will turn on the TV for you before the bus comes." This is your trigger.
You jump down and tornado through putting your clothes on, which is never graceful or pretty, but somehow you have clothes on and that's enough for me!
I give in and turn on the TV and you become mesmerized until your bus comes.
"Whew I did it" I tell Yolanda your bus driver as Malia takes her seat.
"Oh girl you go take a nap, you deserved it!" Yolanda tells me.
"Yes I think I will." I close the door and walk into the kitchen which is blown apart, but hey I made it through another morning! Man I can do anything, guess that nap will have to wait!
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